How to Lose Support of Parents

If you don’t get anything else out of this post, get this: 

Young People’s Ministry is about caring for

 the students AND their parents.

In Young People’s Ministry we have been entrusted for the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of not only the student but their family and parents as well. We don’t always get it right. Below are 3 common places where Young People’s Ministry staff and volunteers miss the mark when it comes to the ministering of parents.

We Don’t Let Them Know What Is Happening in the Ministry-Young People’s Ministry can be one of the best-kept secrets in the church! How cool would it be if parents knew the lessons ahead of time and could have the opportunity to discuss it before they left for group? Or at least have some tools on the back burner to help them discuss at home what they learned at church. Too often we move from lesson to lesson and program to program without even the most basic communication to parents.

We Don’t Return Phone Calls-It doesn’t matter what type of communication you prefer. For many parents-hearing a voice over the phone is far and away the best message. When you don’t return a phone call it subtracts equity from your ministry. It doesn’t take long before you are overdrawn. If you aren’t a phone person… Who cares? You need to become one because a phone call is the love language of most parents these days.

We Keep the Spiritual Growth of Their Child a Mystery-As we care for their children, we need to keep parents in the loop of what is going on with their child emotionally and spiritually. A lot of youth and young adult workers want to gain the trust of the students they work with and so they make promises that they want discuss issues with parents. While I can understand the want to be “liked“ by the students, your first responsibility is for the care of your students. You only see your students for a fraction of the time… The parents spend far more time with them. Keeping them in the loop of how and what is going on with their child will en-dear you to them and will let them know that you truly care about their child.

There are many other ways to alienate parents. What are some of the ways you might add?

Leaders Are Learners

There is a famous quote that I really like:

“Leaders are learners-when you stop learning you stop leading.”

It’s a great quote, but it begs the question what makes someone a good learner? Here are a few possibilities to consider.

Someone Who Asks Thoughtful Questions - Someone who is curious and asks lots of good questions is hungry to learn. They are processing the information that has been provided, and now they are seeking clarification for an even deeper understanding. They know they need to learn and use the answers to those questions to propel themselves forward. If you want to show someone you’re listening, learning and leading, ask great questions.

Humility is Key - It isn’t easy, but a truly teachable person allows others to speak into their life through exhortation, encouragement, correction and coaching. Even when they aren’t asking for this. To be open to correction you didn’t know you needed. To be coached in areas you thought you had already mastered. To be pushed in directions you didn’t think you want (or need) to go. To learn from people who don’t know as much as you do.

Chances are the older, more experienced, more educated and more “successful” you are, the less teachable you are, too. While this is natural, it doesn’t make sense. In the fast-paced, ever-changing world of ministry, leaders simply can’t afford to quit learning.

Ministry Transitions

Summer is a season of transitions in young people’s ministry. Depending on how your local church program runs, you will have Grade School students joining the youth ministry program, junior high or middle school students joining the senior high program and graduating seniors moving on to college or post-high school jobs and life. This time of transition can be difficult not only for the young people but for the leaders of those various ministry programs. Here are a few ideas to help make these transitions as smooth as possible in your particular ministry situation.

Work in Harmony with the Other Areas of Ministry-All areas of ministry in your local church should work in conjunction with one another. The staff and volunteers that work in the various age levels throughout your church (Grade School, Junior/Middle school, High School and post High School) should be working in concert with one another knowing each other’s programs, keeping regular communication about calendaring events, and being aware of this transitional time so that a coordinated plan can be made to help all students make the transition well.

Prepare Your Students for What Is Ahead-Communicating with your students, staff and volunteers on these transition points will help everyone. As mentioned before, your local church should have a coordinated plan so that everyone (including students and parents not just staff and volunteers) know what to expect. This communication can be done in a variety of ways and should be understood by everyone involved. Pick the best way of communicating that works for your specific location.

Create Spaces for Questions- as a part of your transitional plan it would be good to have a time for Q&A. Invite staff, volunteers, those students that are affected as well as their parents and any other leaders you think need to be there to help relay proper communication and introductions to the various programs. One of the biggest problems in any ministry program is a lack of communication. If a ministry learns how to communicate well it can be successful.

Celebrate Every Step of the Way- Find a way to celebrate these transitions in an appropriate manner with each age group. That could simply be one big party, individual parties, a transitional fellowship dinner, etc. You know what will work best in your particular location.

Any transition can be difficult for anyone. But if you properly prepare, communicate and celebrate those transitions it will pay off in big dividends down the road.

Foundational Summer Priorities

Summer is rapidly approaching. Typically, for youth ministries, this means summer camps, mission trips, pool parties, etc.

Am I missing something?

It’s never easy to plan summer ministry. Family vacations and sports camps take teenagers away for weeks at a time. This shouldn’t keep you from planning weekly venues where you can connect with kids, but it should prompt you to think about where your time is best spent.

Summer can be a prime time to accomplish 3 Foundational Ministry Practices:

One-on-one Time with Students
Summer often provides the freedom in student’s calendars to just “hang out.” Use this opportunity to “hang out” with them. Let every one of your volunteers know that this is priority-one for the summer. This can be a time where your whole team of adults can invite teenagers to connect in settings that are both fun and provoke face-to-face conversation. Isn’t you atat ministry is all about?

Recruiting Adult Volunteers
Conducting ministry with Young People takes a team approach. If you do not have other adult volunteers helping you, then that should be your top priority this summer. It’s a simple fact: it would be much easier to put adult mentors in one-on-one situations with teenagers if you actually had more adult mentors. Summer is a great time to recruit workers for the harvest (Matthew 9: 37,38). How? Simple. Just give them a taste of ministry. Invite potential adult volunteers to accompany you as you make one-on-one connections with your Young People. Once they get a taste of what all is involved you’d be surprised how easy it is to get them to commit to a year of working with you.

Gathering Student Leaders
As you are spending time with your students during the summer, keep an eye open for the students that   are ready to use their gifts and do ministry. This will probably be a small group, may be even 1 or 2 students that you identify, but that is okay. Not everyone is called to be a leader and to do ministry. While we might offer opportunities for all students to serve, identifying student leaders who will take seriously the responsibility of leadership is something very different. If we look to the example of Jesus we can see this time and time again. Serving helps people temporarily. Ministry allows God to work through us and make a difference for eternity.

Relational Ministry

Relational ministry might be described as any step toward building a relationship with a student in your ministry. It could be a big step, it could be small—either way, it's simply the effort toward truly living in community and sharing life together.

Ministry with young people should be known for this! Students that are a part of your ministry are there to be known, loved, and cared for. All of these things take time—and time is what we can offer that the world (and too often, parents) isn't giving. 

Relational ministry takes time—but not as much as you might think. Here is a list in order of significance for you to follow.

Be Present - going to a student’s sporting event or school performance such as a band concert or play is major. Other colleagues of mine see this as an opportunity to have a date night with their significant other. The key is staying and making sure that the student knows that you were there.

Talk with Them - in a world of texting and emailing it’s often nice to hear someone’s voice. Take five minutes and give the student a call to check in with how their week is going. This will mean a lot to the student but also to the students family that you care enough to individually call them and ask how their day was.

Send Handwritten Notes - this may sound old-school, but everyone including my 18 month old daughter loves to receive mail. The art of writing a handwritten note is going by the wayside, however, for certain students this could mean the world. Whenever I receive a handwritten note from someone I cherish it, and so will your students.

Connect Through Social Media - if you are not Facebook friends with your students, you should be. If they have a twitter account, you should be following them. From time to time write an encouraging word on their wall or send them a direct message through twitter. You could also use other social media platforms like Insta Graham, Interest and others. This takes very little time but this is the world in which most students live and to see that they have an adult who understands the media and uses it, shows that you care about meeting them WHERE THEY ARE.

Text message them - I’m not talking about a mass text that you sent to all your students, rather, a personal text just to them so that they know that you are thinking about them. Again, text messaging is where most young people live today and it youth and young adult workers are not using that media, we will quickly become irrelevant.

I would offer you this challenge. This week try to begin a habit of relationship building with your students. Relationships are the hardest and most time-consuming part of the Young People’s Ministry, however, I would argue that it is the most important.

PS: don’t forget to encourage your leaders as well. 

Beg, Borrow or Steal Ideas

Where do you get your ideas for ministry? For me I use a variety of ways, here are a few.

Borrow - Use a local church youth pastor network to get a hold of some great ideas or resources. Challenge everyone to email around their latest series or start a shared drop box of goodies for everyone to borrow from regularly. Don’t be afraid to borrow a great event idea from someone else, or use a resource that seems outside of the norm for your group-you might just stumble onto something that really works well.

Beg-this is really just an extension of “borrow.” Have you noticed that some folks just aren’t as generous with their ideas and ministry tips as others? If your first attempt at borrowing and isn’t met with the enthusiasm you hope for… crank it up a notch! When someone has information you know your ministry needs, be like the persistent widow and beg until you get what you need!

Steal-I don’t mean literally going into a store and stealing items off the shelf. What I mean to say is taking an idea without their permission. Personally, all of my information is up for grabs. I’m honored when someone steals an idea from me, that’s why I do what I do. I realize that not everyone is as open and as generous as I am, so you need to be careful. If you steal an idea, at least give credit to where you got the idea. Most often the person you stole it from, will see it as a form of flattery. Furthermore, I have never stolen an idea that I haven’t had to tweak in some way or another to make it work in my particular setting.

"Do's" and "Don'ts" of Young People's Ministry

Here is a short list of some “Do’s” and Don’ts” that I have learned in doing ministry with young people:

DON'T Be Ignorant of Your Perception - Perception is reality and it is never more true than when we apply it to young People’s ministry. Know your reputation, know your weaknesses, and work to get better on the stuff you fail at. Don’t get blindsided by things you could have avoided.

DO the Basics- Youth ministry isn’t rocket science. In fact, some of the most important parts of a healthy youth ministry are actually quite simple: learning the names of your students, following up on newcomers, visiting sick students who are in the hospital, sending birthday cards, remembering to follow-up on prayer requests, etc. I’ve also heard this referred to it as “Paying the Rent.”

DON'T Miss the Small Things - be on time. Fill the church van back up with gas. Let someone know about the problem before they stumble onto it. Cleanup the youth room. Pick up the trash as you walk in from the parking lot. There are lots of people in the congregation who will notice the small things. If you do them well it will gain you big equity.

DO Work with Parents - Kurt Johnson of Simple Youth Ministry has a favorite saying, “If parents are for you, who can be against you?” When you are doing ministry with young people you’re also doing ministry with their parents. Keeping the parents informed with proper communication, loving their children as though they were your own, and having a transparent ministry where parents are not afraid to ask questions of the youth leadership are all key ingredients to working well with parents.

DON'T Avoid Difficult Things - Follow up with that parent who might have a problem with something the young People’s ministry did. Don’t leave someone hanging. Report major problems to the leadership structure of the church as well as the authorities (problems don’t just disappear). Receive criticism well and be a learner (everyone hates a know it all!)

DO Get out of the Church - As strange as it may be, many youth ministries focus on the young people with-in the congregation, while neglecting the hundreds of young people who are in the community where the church is located. Many of these young people outside the church are the ones in the greatest of need. Having an active outreach to young people who are not affiliated with your church is key. It lets the community know that you care about the young people not just in your church community, but in the community at large. If you have the opportunity to get involved in local schools through organizations like Young Life and Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) I would highly encourage it.

Creating a Unified Team

Ministry works better when we approach it from a team aspect. One person cannot hope to accomplish ministry at the same level of excellence as a team of people working in concert with one another. In ministry, I have served on some good teams and not so good teams. Here are a few lessons that I’ve learned:

People Who Are Informed Are Less Likely to Gossip-Often times ignorance can create a breeding ground for gossip. Also, it is a team’s worst enemy. When you keep people in the dark, sometimes their mind plays tricks on them. They read into a situation or conversation, and the lack of communication creates gaps they gladly fill with their own speculation or a pain. If you want to create a unified team, keep people in the loop! When you communicate well, you crush the early growth of gossip.

People Who Have Great History Have Unity-If you have a few key volunteers who have been with you since the beginning, you know how sweet it is to be with them, serve alongside them, and do the hard work of ministry together. You literally and figuratively have each other’s backs, and unity is your middle name. On the other hand, when you have high a turnover or a collection of young, immature, or inexperienced youth workers serving with you the total opposite can happen. Work hard to keep them around for the long term.

People Who Laugh Rarely Turn on Each Other - I’ve noticed again and again in my years of ministry that when people laugh together, they love each other more. When you are in a relationship with your people-great stories, memories and inside jokes-the stronger you are together. When was the last time you spent some time just playing with your team? When was the last time you had an award ceremony and gave out awards for everyone? Laughing together creates unity quickly. 

Practical Idea: Resource Box

Over the years there are some just practical things that you need to have in order to do ministry with young people. One of the most important that I use often is a resource box. This resource box is full of the practical things that you always need for retreats, youth group lessons, etc. that unless you pull them together in one place you spend a lot of time looking for them. Here’s what’s in my box:

1. Pens
2. Pencils
3. Scissors
4. Tape (scotch, masking, duct-you never know when you might need duct tape)
5. Hole punch
6. 3 x 5 note cards
7. Plain white computer paper
8. A package of multi-colored construction paper
9. Rubber bands
10. Crayons
11. Markers
12. Assorted stickers
13. Popsicle sticks
14. Fishing line
15. Balloons

My box is one of those that you can get at a home improvement store that has the fliptop lockable lids ($6-$10). All of the other things that I listed are in smaller plastic containers that fit neatly into that one big box (I have 8 and got them at a dollar store). If you are making a resource box what would you put in yours?

Thank You Dr. Kirby

There’s always that one – that one pastor that you always remember. Rev. Dr. Wallace Kirby was the first and major influence that nudged me to ministry.

When I served as acolyte I can remember the 50-ish Dr. Kirby giving me a high 5 as we moved into position in the choir room. His wisdom and playful spirit adored him to the congregation and to me.

As I continue to be nurtured by my home church (Edenton St. UMC, Raleigh, NC) we received other pastors, but I always remembered Dr. Kirby. One year when I, as a youth member, was at Annual Conference, Dr. Kirby approached me and said, “Warren you’re going to be a pastor one day.” At the time I didn’t think much of it, nor really believed it. I thought that that’s what every pastor said to every young person.

It wasn’t until I receive my call to ministry and was actually before the annual conference again for ordination that I ran and to Dr. Kirby again. Several years retired, Dr. Kirby made it a point to attend the Annual Conference Session where I was ordained for ministry. After the service, Dr. Kirby sought me out and said in his jovial, loving way “See, I told you so!”

I believe that at our baptism we are all called into ministry. We may all live out our calling in different ways, yet we are each called. If you are an older youth or young adult and you have had someone tell you “you’re going to be a pastor one day,” I would invite you to check out explorecalling.org to learn more how you can participate in a national event that they UMC sponsors to help young people explore their calling into ministry.

I simply wanted end this article with a huge thank you to Dr. Kirby… Without his prodding, I might never have served God in this way!

Evaluating Your Ministry

Half of the school-year is through and we are going into 2013 in a hurry. This is a great time to regroup and evaluate how things are going in your youth or young adult ministry.

Here are some things/questions that you can think through during this time:

Volunteer Leaders – How are you doing with keeping them informed of what is going on? What is your communication like with them? Do you volunteers feel equipped? Are they getting what they need from you in order to effectively do their job? Do your volunteers feel that they are appreciated?

Your Students – Are the activities you are doing with the  your students geared towards their age? Are they balanced? (discussion opportunities, fun activities, mission opportunities, etc.) Do your students feel loved and cared for and know that the environment is a safe place to be? Are they inviting their friends?

Events – How would you rate your events based through the eyes of your  students? It’s important to think through their eyes, because us adults, especially the older we get, do see things differently. Ask your students after each event to either rate it or give some feedback of good and bad.

Programming – Is your programming age-based? Does it have a good flow from outsider towards insider? Does the programming you have accomplish the purpose that you have set out to have in your youth ministry? Is there any programs that need to be added or killed off? Do you have adequate staffing that is needed to make the programming work?

Parents  (especially for youth ministry) – Do the parents feel good about the youth ministry? What types of communication is happening with the parents? Do they only hear about the youth ministry from their teen’s perspective or do you also make communication with them? Do the parents participate in the youth ministry in any way? What can be done to help parents become even more involved? Should their be parent meetings or not?

Communication – What types of communication do you use? Be careful not to only just use one form of communication such as Facebook. Are you utilizing all the communication methods to cover all basis? Are your fellow co-workers informed of the stuff that is happening in your youth ministry? Does the senior pastor feel good about knowing what is happening? What are some ways to strengthen your communication to: parents, co-staff, volunteer staff, and students?

Spiritual Condition – What is your spiritual condition? Do you and your volunteers need to take a mini retreat somewhere? Are there leaders that you need to give a break to? How are your leaders doing spiritually? What needs to be done to become more spiritually in tune with Christ?

Physical Condition – Are you caring for yourself physically? Do you get enough exercise? Do you get enough sleep? Are you overly stressed? It is important to realize that you cannot care for others if you do not first care for yourself.  MAKE IT A PRIORITY!

If you have some other ideas and questions to think about – please leave a comment below and have some discussion about these things.

Stretching Your Budget

The economy doesn’t seem to be recovering as fast as we would like and church budgets are tighter than ever. Here are 6 ideas to help get the most out of every buck your church entrusts to you (if you’re fortunate enough to even have a budget):

Break-even Events

When you plan an event, make out a realistic budget and set a goal for how many students will attend. Some simple division and boom - you have the price point. Now stick to your budget and you won’t have to spend a dime beyond everyone’s admission. Obviously you’ll want to make sure the event is priced fairly, so do your best to balance the “bang for the buck” factor and still break even.

Cut back on Programming

A great way to stretch your budget is simply to hack away at what eats up chunks of budget in the first place. What are you doing that is ineffective and is taking dollars away from what is working? Would now be the right time to kill the program and redirect those funds to the right place? Use budget choices as a great excuse to let a sacred cow die.

Think Free First

The internet has made so many things free at your fingertips. You can get free texting, free polls, free Bible software, and so much more, at the click of the mouse! Before you buy, see if you can get it somewhere else for free.

Develop a Resource Team

These are the people in your church who don’t necessarily have the time to serve at youth group or go to camp as a counselor but they do have access to the stuff you might need. Develop a short list of resourceful or inventive people you can call on when you’re looking for random items like coolers or snow chains.

Double Dip – If you do have to buy something, think long term about how you can use an item again down the road. Are there other ministries in the church who can split the cost with you? If you do “share” this item, be sure to offer to store it when it isn’t being used so you have easy and primary access when needed.

Never Pay Full Price – Planning ahead allows you to order online from the least expensive reputable retailer. You might be able to get that video camera even cheaper/slightly used on eBay or Craig’s List, a quick search and you’re all set with a deal far better than the retailer down the street. And if you prefer to buy from a physical store, be sure to comparison shop and take the best price you’ve found on an item to your favorite store….they will likely match the price.

(I got these ideas from a weekly e-mail that I get about youth and young adult ministry)

10 Ideas for Creating Cross-Generational Youth Ministry

Cross-generational or intergenerational ministry is more than just different age groups inhabiting the same space (as happens often in our worship experiences). Rather, its providing opportunities for Christians of all generations to engage each other in experiences that build relationships and a deeper sense of the Church as one body in Christ. Below are 10 ideas for engaging in cross-generational youth ministry.  Not all may work for your setting as each context is different. But perhaps these will inspire you to seek new opportunities to provide a deeper sense of oneness as a church.

Talk About It - Before initiating any grand scheme to develop cross-generational ministry, it can be helpful to find opportunities to speak with staff members, church leaders, and groups within your congregation about the rationale for moving away from segregated youth programming.

Ease into It - As the cross-generational approach may be a new idea for many, it might be best to resist the urge to jump in with both feet, tossing out your old approach entirely. Start with a fellowship event or perhaps a short-term joint study opportunity for mixed ages.  Let others experiences what this new approach can be and they will hopefully become advocates for the cause.

Adopt-a-grandparent - Call upon your youth to adopt an elder member of your congregation and invite them to show that person special care. This could include sitting with them in worship, inviting them to come to a youth gathering, or sending them a card on their birthday or when they are ill.

Adopt-a-youth - The reverse idea works as well. Invite adults in your congregation to adopt youth and be part of a ministry of nurture to your teens. I'd suggest that these persons not be the same adults who already serve in your youth ministry program.  The more adults who are connected in meaningful ways with your teens, the better.

Art Experiences - Like the guys I mentioned at the top of this post, engaging people of all ages in experiences of art-making is a great way to break down barriers.  Group art projects allow everyone to play a part while providing time for conversation and community-building.

Joint Mission Trips - I'm a big proponent for ending the "youth mission trips" that have been such a standard component of youth programming for a long time now and moving toward mission opportunities that invite all ages in the church to participate.  Nothing builds community faster between the ages than travelling together and working side-by-side to help those in need.

Cross Generational Camps/Retreats - In the St. Louis area, the Disciples of Christ congregations are planning our second annual cross-generational church camp experience. Last summer we gathered at retreat center for a week of camp for all ages. We had everybody from babies to senior citizens. We ate together, played together, and worshipped together while still providing opportunities for children, teens, and adults to spend time in their separate age groupings. The evaluation of the event was unanimously positive from all ages and for this summer we are developing even more opportunities to help make the event truly cross-generational.

Youth Leadership - One of the best ways for older teens to begin to learn what the real work of the Church is all about is to invite them to be part of your church leadership teams and ministries.  Rather than having them sit on the sidelines waiting to same day take part in work of the church, invite youth right now to lend their ideas and voices to your outreach ministry, your worship planning, your church board.  In our congregation, one of our oldest senior high youth is co-chair of the Christian education ministry team.

Music Experiences - A great way to cross the generational divide is through music. Create opportunities, perhaps even an old-fashioned hymn sing, in which older generations can share hymns of the past and younger generations can introduce adults to more contemporary Christian songs.  In fact, if teens share music they learned at church camp they may be surprised to find that many adults learned those very same songs at camp, too!

Small Groups - Many of our congregations have small groups meeting on and off the church site all the time. Why not create a few groups which are intentionally cross-generational and purposefully recruit both adolescent and adult group participants? Provide opportunities for them to study the Bible, work on a mission project or read together a book that will challenge all ages while inviting lots of conversation and meaningful fellowship.

What are your ideas?


(this is a reprint of an article that I read from rethinkingyouthministry.com)

Bloom Where You're Planted

Many people in ministry are envious of others in the same ministry. I have known youth pastors who wish they were at the large church because they would have more money and more resources to do the kind of ministry that they wanted to do. I also know local church pastors who have not been satisfied in the church that they have been assigned, remarking that "If only I was at a better church my ministry would grow." It is very easy to indulge yourself in the temptation of being envious of others ministry, however, that is the temptation that we must resist.

Have you ever heard the term "Bloom where you are planted?" I have heard it from time to time in my ministry, especially when I have been depressed that the ministry that I was assigned to be doing wasn't working the way I wanted it to. What I have come to learn from that statement is that God puts us in a ministry setting where we need to be at a particular time when we need the there. God has given each one of us different gifts and God knows where we need to be to be using the specific gifts.

There is no perfect ministry out there. Every church is messy. Accept that! If I might quote Josh Griffin in a blog article he wrote, "[there will always be] pushy parents, apathetic teenagers…" And I would add inadequate facilities, a lack of funding. You can dwell on the negative and constantly be complaining and wish that you were someplace else, or you could be grateful for the gift that you have been given and the place that you have been put to do ministry. 

10 ways to use Facebook in Your Ministry

This is a link to an article that I found particularly interesting. In a recent study by the Barna Institute it found that 94% of young people do not respond to e-mail. The best way they communicate is through social media (Facebook, twitter, etc.)

I hope you find this as helpful as I did.

http://www.shrinkthechurch.com/2011/05/10-ways-to-use-facebook-in-your-ministry/