How to Lose Support of Parents

If you don’t get anything else out of this post, get this: 

Young People’s Ministry is about caring for

 the students AND their parents.

In Young People’s Ministry we have been entrusted for the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of not only the student but their family and parents as well. We don’t always get it right. Below are 3 common places where Young People’s Ministry staff and volunteers miss the mark when it comes to the ministering of parents.

We Don’t Let Them Know What Is Happening in the Ministry-Young People’s Ministry can be one of the best-kept secrets in the church! How cool would it be if parents knew the lessons ahead of time and could have the opportunity to discuss it before they left for group? Or at least have some tools on the back burner to help them discuss at home what they learned at church. Too often we move from lesson to lesson and program to program without even the most basic communication to parents.

We Don’t Return Phone Calls-It doesn’t matter what type of communication you prefer. For many parents-hearing a voice over the phone is far and away the best message. When you don’t return a phone call it subtracts equity from your ministry. It doesn’t take long before you are overdrawn. If you aren’t a phone person… Who cares? You need to become one because a phone call is the love language of most parents these days.

We Keep the Spiritual Growth of Their Child a Mystery-As we care for their children, we need to keep parents in the loop of what is going on with their child emotionally and spiritually. A lot of youth and young adult workers want to gain the trust of the students they work with and so they make promises that they want discuss issues with parents. While I can understand the want to be “liked“ by the students, your first responsibility is for the care of your students. You only see your students for a fraction of the time… The parents spend far more time with them. Keeping them in the loop of how and what is going on with their child will en-dear you to them and will let them know that you truly care about their child.

There are many other ways to alienate parents. What are some of the ways you might add?

Dealing with Disappointed Parents

One of the more common challenges in ministry is dealing with disappointed parents. You don’t have to be in Young People’s Ministry very long to have this experience. If you haven’t had this joyful experience…Is you will. And in some ways, it is exciting and encouraging when parents engage in their teenagers spiritual lives, even when that means they have taken an issue with your ministry.

Don’t sweep it under the rug or ignore it! Here are a few helpful steps to deal with parents quickly and  in a (hopefully) healthy manner.

Take a Deep Breath-This isn’t the first time that a youth or young adult worker has had to deal with conflict or disappointment. All of the greats in God’s kingdom have had to deal with disappointment -  you, too! God will use you and grow you through this experience.

Pray-Once you regain your breath, start here. Ask God to free you of anxiety, arrogance, or defensiveness. Ask God for the right heart, and commit to responding wisely and slowly.

Seek Counsel-If you’re unsure how to handle the situation, ask for help! Too often youth and young adult workers rushed this conversation or dismiss a serious issue in their attempt to get it over with. Take time to process the issue so you have some responses ready and some possible resolutions in hand.

Just Do It-You need to do this face-to-face. Own what part of it you need to. Learn from all of it. Have the conversation, set the appointment. Find a neutral place, and try to have a non-defensive posture. Make sure 100% of the issue is raised and addressed-the worst thing is holding back 10% on either side and having to do this all over again in 2 weeks after it blows up behind the scenes again.

Master the Art of “FEEL, FELT, FOUND.”-While it won’t work every time, this simple strategy is often quite effective.

“Mr. Smith, I can understand why you FEEL this way…”

“In fact, Mr. Smith, other parents have FELT the same way…”

“Here’s what we’ve (the other ministry leaders in the church including yourself) FOUND…”

Follow Up-When the meeting is over it isn’t necessarily over. Take the time afterward to process and then fix or address the problem. Do what you promised the parent. And follow-up. The worst thing you can do is not following up and might be more damaging than the original disappointment.

Evaluating Your Ministry

Half of the school-year is through and we are going into 2013 in a hurry. This is a great time to regroup and evaluate how things are going in your youth or young adult ministry.

Here are some things/questions that you can think through during this time:

Volunteer Leaders – How are you doing with keeping them informed of what is going on? What is your communication like with them? Do you volunteers feel equipped? Are they getting what they need from you in order to effectively do their job? Do your volunteers feel that they are appreciated?

Your Students – Are the activities you are doing with the  your students geared towards their age? Are they balanced? (discussion opportunities, fun activities, mission opportunities, etc.) Do your students feel loved and cared for and know that the environment is a safe place to be? Are they inviting their friends?

Events – How would you rate your events based through the eyes of your  students? It’s important to think through their eyes, because us adults, especially the older we get, do see things differently. Ask your students after each event to either rate it or give some feedback of good and bad.

Programming – Is your programming age-based? Does it have a good flow from outsider towards insider? Does the programming you have accomplish the purpose that you have set out to have in your youth ministry? Is there any programs that need to be added or killed off? Do you have adequate staffing that is needed to make the programming work?

Parents  (especially for youth ministry) – Do the parents feel good about the youth ministry? What types of communication is happening with the parents? Do they only hear about the youth ministry from their teen’s perspective or do you also make communication with them? Do the parents participate in the youth ministry in any way? What can be done to help parents become even more involved? Should their be parent meetings or not?

Communication – What types of communication do you use? Be careful not to only just use one form of communication such as Facebook. Are you utilizing all the communication methods to cover all basis? Are your fellow co-workers informed of the stuff that is happening in your youth ministry? Does the senior pastor feel good about knowing what is happening? What are some ways to strengthen your communication to: parents, co-staff, volunteer staff, and students?

Spiritual Condition – What is your spiritual condition? Do you and your volunteers need to take a mini retreat somewhere? Are there leaders that you need to give a break to? How are your leaders doing spiritually? What needs to be done to become more spiritually in tune with Christ?

Physical Condition – Are you caring for yourself physically? Do you get enough exercise? Do you get enough sleep? Are you overly stressed? It is important to realize that you cannot care for others if you do not first care for yourself.  MAKE IT A PRIORITY!

If you have some other ideas and questions to think about – please leave a comment below and have some discussion about these things.

How to Start a Parent Ministry

Every good youth program needs to take into consideration how they will minister to the parents of their students. If you don't minister to the parent as well as your student, you are missing some great opportunities to reinforce the values you want to teach. Here are a few just on how to create a ministry to parents.

First…focus on the obvious. 
Before you accomplish some grand vision of partnership with parents, think about the obvious places parents are looking for help: The transition from elementary school to junior high, from junior high to high school, and from high school to college are all massive for parents.

What do they need? 
Talk to parents and see what they would like or need. The last thing you want is to create an event or program they feel they don't need. Trust us, we've done that several times and it's humiliating. Talk to some core parents, and some on the fringe, and ask them to give you a perspective of what would be beneficial to their family. 

Communicate 
You could probably start a text message list quickly and cheaply and take a huge leap forward. Maybe start a blog that shares what you taught at youth group last week—maybe with a few discussion questions for parents to follow-up with during the week. As you come across great resources for parents, consider posting a list in the church bulletin board (virtually or the one in the hallway). Start with a couple easy things to begin partnering with parents. 

When their child starts taking sports seriously, starts working for the first time, or has his/her first serious relationship. If a family is going through a divorce, death or other traumatic event, there are lots of obvious, and very natural, places for you to begin ministering to parents without the formalities of meetings and newsletters!