Saying Goodbye - Graduation Gifts

It's that time of year when young people in both college and high school are graduating. As people who work with young people on a regular basis, we have spent a lot of time mentoring and loving these students and developing long-lasting relationships with them. As we began to say our goodbyes and wish them well on to the next stage of their life, we often think about getting them the gift to help them remember their time with us. But too often we choose cheesy things that don't properly express the magnitude of the life-changing experiences that we have had with the students over the years.

I am not a very good gift giver (just ask my wife). There are certain people who are gifted with the gene or some 6th sence whereby they know exactly the type of gift to get someone. Well, I'm sorry to report, I just simply don't have it and so it frustrates me at this time of year when I want to acknowledge the relationship that I have built up with these young people that I've worked with and the magnitude of what they have meant in my life. I have caught myself in Christian bookstores looking at picture frames with Scriptures on it or bookends or other trinkets that in a matter of years will mean absolutely nothing to these young people. And so I go to the person who is a Zen master at gift giving, my wife and beg and plead for her help.

The one thing she has taught me over the years is this-be authentic. Find a gift that expresses the authentic relationship that you have between you and the other person. It doesn't have to cost a lot nor does it have to be the latest and greatest thing that's out that everyone else is getting. When I think back to my own graduation, a friend of the family bought me an NIV study Bible when I graduated high school. This many years later I still have that Bible and use it for my daily devotions. I guess he saw something in me that he knew that I would need a good study Bible. And he was right! That study Bible has gotten me through many a good sermon, devotion and Bible study over the years.

So as you say goodbye to your seniors whether they be in high school or college be authentic with them. Express the emotions that you were feeling. And try to finding gift that they will remember 15 to 20 years from now that they might be able to share with others.

Relational Investment Vs. Relational Engagement

This is always a tough problem for people in ministry to wrestle with; especially those who work with young people. We want to personally investe in the lives of every student or young person that we come in contact with, however that is physically and emotionally impossible. I know a number of pastors who try to do ministry in this way, thinking that this is how ministry is done. But what ends up happening is that they burnout very early in their ministry and they are no good later in their ministry to anyone.

However, there is a way that we can be in ministry with young people and have a very meaningful impact on their lives. This way is relational engagement. I got this idea by attending a youth worker training event this past spring and it was one of those things that I had been doing for years but I never really put words to it. What the presenter tried to argue was this: it is virtually impossible to give 100% of ourselves to 100% of the students and young people that we are in ministry with. However, we can engage 100% of our young people in short, but meaningful ways.

The example he gave was attending sporting events, school concerts or school plays. While you won't be able to spend a whole lot of time with the young person, if you make a concerted effort to see the young person after the event letting them know that you were there and that they did a good job or made a good play, they will remember that forever. In my own ministry this rang true with a young girl who was bounded determined to hate me. I had followed a pastor who had been appointed to that church for over 20 years. It was the only pastor she had ever known, and she wasn't about to let me into her life. She was a field hockey player, so I found out her field hockey schedule and went to one of her home games. At the end of the game I made sure to say hello to her and her parents. After that encounter, her whole demeanor changed. It was as though I was could do nothing wrong and I instantly became her favorite pastor.

In ministry we are not going to have all of the time or the energy to invest in the people we want to. We could quite literally kill ourselves trying to do that. However, strategically engaging people in simple ways can make the world of difference to those youth and young people who so desperately need to be loved. Try it sometime!