Dealing with Disappointed Parents

One of the more common challenges in ministry is dealing with disappointed parents. You don’t have to be in Young People’s Ministry very long to have this experience. If you haven’t had this joyful experience…Is you will. And in some ways, it is exciting and encouraging when parents engage in their teenagers spiritual lives, even when that means they have taken an issue with your ministry.

Don’t sweep it under the rug or ignore it! Here are a few helpful steps to deal with parents quickly and  in a (hopefully) healthy manner.

Take a Deep Breath-This isn’t the first time that a youth or young adult worker has had to deal with conflict or disappointment. All of the greats in God’s kingdom have had to deal with disappointment -  you, too! God will use you and grow you through this experience.

Pray-Once you regain your breath, start here. Ask God to free you of anxiety, arrogance, or defensiveness. Ask God for the right heart, and commit to responding wisely and slowly.

Seek Counsel-If you’re unsure how to handle the situation, ask for help! Too often youth and young adult workers rushed this conversation or dismiss a serious issue in their attempt to get it over with. Take time to process the issue so you have some responses ready and some possible resolutions in hand.

Just Do It-You need to do this face-to-face. Own what part of it you need to. Learn from all of it. Have the conversation, set the appointment. Find a neutral place, and try to have a non-defensive posture. Make sure 100% of the issue is raised and addressed-the worst thing is holding back 10% on either side and having to do this all over again in 2 weeks after it blows up behind the scenes again.

Master the Art of “FEEL, FELT, FOUND.”-While it won’t work every time, this simple strategy is often quite effective.

“Mr. Smith, I can understand why you FEEL this way…”

“In fact, Mr. Smith, other parents have FELT the same way…”

“Here’s what we’ve (the other ministry leaders in the church including yourself) FOUND…”

Follow Up-When the meeting is over it isn’t necessarily over. Take the time afterward to process and then fix or address the problem. Do what you promised the parent. And follow-up. The worst thing you can do is not following up and might be more damaging than the original disappointment.